Breathe SB

What do I need? Why am I anxious? What am I expecting?

I remember it was around 2014 when I first realized I was suffering from anxiety. It took me years to begin working on the root cause to heal from it. I sometimes believed that sports were the cure, and although movement and exercise can produce the dopamine and endorphins needed to improve mood, the effect is short-lived and not a main cure.

I had to go through trials and errors to naturally cure my anxiety. It would go away for periods, but then return stronger. Finally, working with my therapist, I realized I was living up to an idea of who I needed to be, and my body was rejecting it.

I don’t know when in my life I developed this intense need to excel and achieve everything I set my mind to. The problem wasn’t the ambition but the unrealistic expectation to do everything quickly. When I finally achieved everything, I burned out. I no longer wanted anything; nothing had meaning. I was done with achieving and wanted to escape this mentality. Then I had a eureka moment: the word “deconstruction” came to me. I wanted to no longer be defined by labels or pursue anything in particular. The American way of living had caught up with me, and I couldn’t do it anymore. I worked on an exit strategy to detach from everything that wasn’t helping me free my mind. I began working on living a more fulfilling lifestyle, which also takes a lot of work. It can be scary for a high achiever to work on not achieving any longer. But I knew not achieving didn’t mean I didn’t want anything out of life; I just didn’t see it as part of who I was.

This is when I began using the word “deconstruction” to help myself understand there was no need to adhere to any specific label.

What do I need? Why am I anxious? What am I expecting?

Deconstructing our identities to uncover our true selves is a profound journey. It’s not about hard work in the traditional sense but about peeling away layers of societal expectations and self-imposed limitations. We’ve been conditioned to seek external validation and acceptance, often at the cost of our authenticity. The real challenge lies in the fear that embracing our true selves might alienate others.

However, true transformation begins when we prioritize inner truth over outward approval. This means listening to our inner voice, understanding our genuine desires, and letting go of the need to conform. The journey may lead to some relationships shifting or ending, but it also creates space for deeper, more authentic connections. Embracing who we truly are can be liberating and ultimately lead to a more fulfilling and honest existence.

Letting go of the fear of judgment and rejection is key. When we honor our true selves, we attract people who resonate with our authenticity, fostering genuine connections and a more fulfilling life.

I am continuing to work with different tools and therapy, applying cognitive behavioral therapy to become a free person. I believe it is possible to get there. This world puts pressure on us to be and pursue everything, but we need to learn to be quiet and question ourselves on what we really need.