Breathe SB

The words we use to talk to ourselves have a profound impact on our mental well-being. One phrase that often sneaks into our self-talk is “I should.” While it might seem harmless, this small phrase can carry a heavy load of judgment and expectation.

The Psychological Impact of “I Should”

According to psychologists, saying “I should” implies that we are not meeting some external or internal standard, which can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or inadequacy. Dr. Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist, points out that “should” statements often come from societal pressures or unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves. They create a mental environment where we are constantly falling short.

Dr. Kristin Neff suggests that this kind of self-talk can undermine our self-esteem. When we continuously judge ourselves for not doing what we “should,” we reinforce negative beliefs about our abilities and worth.

Be Kind to Yourself

Instead of saying “I should,” try to reframe your thoughts in a kinder, more compassionate way. This small change can make a big difference in how we feel about ourselves and how we live our lives. Here are a few examples:

Old Thought: “I should work out today.”

New Thought: “I would feel better if I worked out today.”

Old Thought: “I should be more productive.”

New Thought: “I am doing my best, and it’s okay to rest.”

Old Thought: “I should call my friend.”

New Thought: “I want to connect with my friend.

By shifting from “should” to more positive, choice-based language, we remind ourselves that we have control over our actions and that it’s okay to prioritize our well-being.

My Journey with Self-Kindness

As someone who has dealt with anxiety and the pressures of daily life, I have found myself often saying, “I should be more social,” or “I should be further along in my career.” These thoughts only increased my stress and made me feel overwhelmed.

One day, I decided to experiment with changing my self-talk. Instead of saying, “I should be more social,” I told myself, “I would like to make meaningful connections.” This subtle shift allowed me to approach social situations with less pressure and more openness.

Similarly, replacing “I should be further along in my career” with “I am on my own unique path, and that’s okay” helped me reduce my anxiety and focus on my strengths and progress.