Breathe SB

Life doesn’t always go as planned. We set goals, work hard, and invest time and energy into achieving our dreams, only to find that circumstances beyond our control can alter our path in an instant. This is something I experienced firsthand when I applied to an officer program in the military. After a rigorous 9-month process, including MEPS, testing, building my professional package, meetings with my recruiter, and a thorough and tough interview with officers at headquarters, I was selected to go to indoctrination school and receive a commission. It was a moment of triumph, a culmination of hard work and dedication. But between the time I was accepted and when I was supposed to start, life threw me a curveball—I was diagnosed with cancer and had to drop out.

It’s moments like these that make us question everything. Why did this happen? Why me? It’s easy to feel lost, disappointed, and even angry when life doesn’t go as planned. The truth is, no matter how much we prepare or how hard we work, some things are simply out of our control. And while we may not be able to change what happens, we can choose how we respond. The following is a compiled list of some coping mechanisms that have helped me navigate the unpredictability of life. I’m still working on adding more to my list, but I like to have these as a reminder that there are things I can do to feel better and understand that everything is ok.

Acknowledge Your Feelings
It’s natural to feel a range of emotions when life doesn’t go as planned. Allow yourself to experience these feelings without judgment—it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. Acknowledging your emotions is the first step toward healing. When I was first diagnosed, I felt beyond frustrated and even set my diagnosis aside, wishing I could somehow solve the situation in time. Later, I felt selfish for feeling that way, but I eventually realized that it’s perfectly okay to have all these emotions. There’s no right or wrong way to feel.

Reframe the Situation
Instead of focusing on what you lost, try to reframe the situation. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this experience?” or “How can this challenge make me stronger?” Shifting your perspective can help you find meaning and growth even in difficult times. It took me some time to find a learning experience, but I found it. I found out I had the determination, knowledge, experience and leadership skills to make it through this opportunity, I did everything I could that was within my control, and I certainly can transfer all of those virtues in other areas of my life. 

Practice Self-Compassion
It’s easy to be hard on yourself when things don’t go as planned. But it’s important to remember that you did the best you could with the information and resources you had at the time. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend in a similar situation. This one was hard for me, I tend to be hard on myself sometimes when it comes to achieving goals that I truly desire, but this situation truly made me find the resources to learn about self-compassion. 

Focus on What You Can Control
This should be the number one thing we need to have in mind to shift our paradigm.  When life feels chaotic and unpredictable, it can be helpful to focus on the things you can control. This might be your attitude, your actions, or your self-care routine. By focusing on what you can control, you can regain a sense of agency and stability.

Seek Support
You don’t have to go through difficult times alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a professional therapist who can offer support and guidance. Sharing your feelings with others can help lighten the emotional load and provide a fresh perspective. I feel like it took me some time to feel validated with this situation and that is ok. I have heard many times that you shouldn’t seek external validation to feel whole, although I agree with that, I also think that is ok to seek support and validation during certain difficult  and frustrating times. 

Take Things One Day at a Time
When life feels overwhelming, it can be helpful to break things down into smaller, more manageable steps. Focus on getting through one day at a time, and remind yourself that it’s okay to take things slowly. Healing and adjusting to new circumstances is a process that takes time.  Getting the news that you have cancer, plus the news that you will have to stop your job, your hobbies, some of your goals and almost everything you have had in front of you it’s burdensome.  I learned that it is OK to drop everything to focus on my health and slowly re-balance the course of my life again. 

Life may not always go as planned, but that doesn’t mean it’s over. Challenges can offer valuable lessons and opportunities for growth, even when they seem too big to overcome. At the end of the day, it’s life. We have to accept that things will happen to us and we will be forced to learn from these events.  By acknowledging our feelings, practicing self-compassion, and focusing on what we can control, we can find a way forward, even when life gets in the way.  Plus, sometimes, you can try to achieve those goals again if life allows. The detours can also bring new dreams into our lives. Isn’t that exciting?